I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize