she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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