Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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