Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
