Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
