i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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