Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
