just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
