I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
