there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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