She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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