It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
