Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
