She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
