can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
