My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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