he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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