I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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