Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he puts the penis in happiness.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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