I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
