I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
