Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
