I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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