sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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