we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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