marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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