We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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