I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize