The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
