She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
