i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
