I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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