We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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