His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
