He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
