My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize