i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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