Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
