i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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