You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Fuck appropriateness.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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