the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
