I think I am morally bankrupt
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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