Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How many fucks given?
0.12846
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
