Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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