If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
