got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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