Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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