So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize