I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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