im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
