I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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