i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
