dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The power of my boobs compel you
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
