She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
