I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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