Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize