Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
