This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
