fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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