Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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