In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
