your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a โfireplaceโ station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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