She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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