if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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