Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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