also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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