my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
