Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
