so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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