god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The beers last night were like the tears from god
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
