meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
