walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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