god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
