i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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