The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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