Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize