Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
