the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize