i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
