So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
