battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
