I think I just saw someone hide a body.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
