I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
