My nipple is on Facebook.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize