but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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