How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The power of my boobs compel you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
