if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
