I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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