Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I can text with my tongue
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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