I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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