we have officially lost it.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
