I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
