are you still at the devil's house?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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