You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
