Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize