the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
