I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
