So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize