I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
