i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
