Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
