i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
