the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
