It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
