Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
