i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize