idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
