i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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