i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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