It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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