I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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