New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
