News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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