I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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