***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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