Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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